Ive been thinking alot of past loved ones lost recently. Well it was the one year anniversary sicne we lost Craig. And I just got a tattoo that honors my grandmother. And today i woke up thinking about Nic. I even visited his DA page. I just hate how people have to say goodbye with out ever saying how we really feel about them or without even saying goodbye. If i could do things differently i would. I would go to Nics party and not feel this guilt. Chris and I blame ourselves. And yea i know we shouldnt but i know thats how we feel. We will always wonder that maybe if we had gone Nic would still be here. And then maybe Nic and I would have went to Homecoming and my life would be comepletely different than it is. And there's my gma who had cancer. I didnt go in to say goodbye. I couldnt see her like that. But now i will always regret it. And Criag... I didnt know him very well. We were friends in 8th grade but grew apart in high school. I think its harder when they go young. So tragic to not live life to its fullest. But honestly there will always be one more thing we have to do. Always unfinished business some one else we forgot to say goodbye to. Just too much. Maybe its better to believe everything happens for a reason. But at the same time we all feel like puppets with no real control.